Saturday, August 26, 2006

'Early Disc Degeneration' is back!!!

so... now e neurologist says that it is definitely early disc degeneration... b4 i describe e happenings of yesterdae, lemme define e process i went thro yesterdae at SGH... todae's post is gona b v long, but hang in there as u walk thro e journey of discovery wif me... =)

NERVE TESTING (extracted from Total Spine Specialists)
A nerve in the body works somewhat like an electrical wire in your house. If you want to see if the wire is functioning properly, you need to make sure that electricity can run through it. If there are any problems along its length, you will know it by a failure of the electrical current to go through.
Similar to testing current flow in a wire, nerve conduction velocity test (NCV) is an electrical test, ordered by your doctor, used to detect abnormal nerve conditions. It is usually ordered to diagnose or evaluate a nerve injury in a person who has weakness or numbness in the arms or legs. It also helps to discover how severe the condition is and how a nerve is responding to injury or to treatment. In this test, electrical signals are sent down specific nerves of the arms or legs, where an electrode placed on the skin detects the electrical impulse ‘down stream’ from the first. The nerve is stimulated with a tiny electrical current at one point. A nerve stimulator placed over the nerve supplies the nerve with a very mild electrical impulse. This electrical activity is recorded by the recording skin electrode. When this happens, you will feel a tingling sensation that may or may not be uncomfortable. Between the brief shocks you will not feel discomfort. The distance between the skin electrodes and the time it takes for electrical impulses to travel between electrodes is used to calculate the speed of the nerve signal. A decreased speed suggests nerve disease. A healthy nerve will transmit the signal faster and stronger than a sick nerve.

How long does the NCV test take to complete?
Usually NCV testing takes less than 30 minutes depending on the number of nerves tested. Is the NCV test safe? The small amount of current delivered to the nerve is always at a very safe level. Patients wearing pacemakers or other electrical devices need not worry since this current will rarely interfere with such devices.

How uncomfortable is the NCV test?
The electrical stimulation may be mildly uncomfortable but this is usually very brief when testing is done by an experienced physician. Most of our patients comment that the test was far easier to complete than they were told or expected.

this is e 2nd time in 7 years dat i m researchin in detail abt my ailment... n e 1st time dat i m reali tryin my best to understand wats wrong wif me... all thanks to e neurologist, Dr Loh... he was e onli doc out of e 5 specialists dat i haf seen dat was genuinely interested in my prob... e others didnt seem to believe dat i was sufferrin... n didnt seem to believe dat this pain is reali unbearable fer me... to em, if i m not wheeled into A&E, i m not sufferin... so they made me feel dat i was 1) sufferin from mental disease - dat there is actually nothin wrong wif me, its all my evil twin makin me feel weaker than i actually m; or 2) sufferin from a back prob but its actually v mild but i wana gain sympathy from e world so i m creatin this whole story so dat pple will give me special treatment...

actually one of e specialists did think dat i was havin early disc degeneration... he was e one dat convinced me, after my previous docs... cos he was quite amazed at my reactions when he did some tests on my fingers n stuff... so amazed dat he called 2 of his understudies to come over n watch as he did a few of e tests on me... as if his textbook suddenly came to life... kekeke... it was v interestin how amazed they were, watchin e results played live in front of em... same amazed face on Dr Loh yesterdae... =P

to understand y i sae Dr Loh was genuinely interested in my case, lemme describe wat happened at e test yesterdae...

first part of e nerve testin done on my arms was conducted by an assistant... this nice lady in her 40s... i had no idea its abt electric shocks cos i tot its juz some scan thing, so didnt do my research b4hand... n as u read from my post of e specialist who referred me to this department, he was super unhelpful, n naturally didnt bother to tell me dat its abt electric shocks...

when i stepped into e room, e neurologist looked out from his room n gave me a look dat i was so familiar wif... e distrustin n disbelievin n cold stare... a stare which was e same as my previous doc... my heart sank to e bottom... do u think dat i wana haf this prob? do u think dat i wana waste my time to come all e wae here to do this dumb test? y in e world do u think i m fakin this???

e neurologist asked e assistant a series of questions... cos i was so hurt by his stare, i could onli hear his accusations n not e response of e assistant... y is she here? wat test is she doin? so young! *sigh* i felt like goin home at dat second, but i was too sian to move n too disheartened to think anymore... so when e assistant asked me to remove my watch, i juz obeyed n followed her instructions...

e assistant asked me to lie down n started clickin on e pc beside e bed... there was a machine wif many wires n electrodes... i started to get wary... then she started pastin e electrodes on me n wrappin my finger wif 2 bare wires then coatin em wif a conductor fluid... i started to get scared... she said this process is to pass some electric shocks thro me n i got real scared... i asked her if its painful but she said its bearable... (ya rite, haf u tried it?) but i figured, if most pple who come here r old pple n they can take it, y cant i? so i fixed my eyes on everythin dat she was doin n convinced myself dat everythin is in control...

long story short... wah seh it was quite shockin at times man! 2nd test conducted by e neurologist... he walked out n asked me if i feel weakness aso, other than e numbness, n asked abt my condition. then he said 'u r still schooling rite?' then e assistant laughed n said 'no la, she's alreadi 25!' then he asked wats my job n if my family has such condition. then e assistant pasted electrodes on my foot n he took a large black thing n sent an electric shock thro my head!!! wah seh it was scary sia... n it was a series of shocks so dat they can tabulate e various results...

turning point... e neurologist got quite concerned n commented dat e reading was too small... e assistant was aso curious y e number never got above 3.4 fer a particular test... then e neurologist tested somewhere else n e readin was 10+... e assistant asked if he was expecting a 4 n he said, 'at least 3.5 but juz cannot ah'... then he looked at me n exclaimed 'this is real!!!!!!' there was silence fer 2 secs then i said 'errr u tot i was fakin it???' then e 3 of us burst out laughin n they both jumped to defend emselves but i added 'i understand, maybe u tot dat this is not e rite diagnosis'... then e neurologist... who is actually Dr Loh, said 'yes! u r so young! this is definitely early disc degeneration!' then a barrage of questions abt my condition, how did it start, my family history etc... so many questions like a rifle sia... dat i was taken aback... 'ur condition is reali chronic man!!! u haf had this for many years alreadi rite?' a tinge of bewilderment in his eyes... together wif a sense of wow-ness abt a textbook case sittin in front of him...

a test for u: try bendin ur rite wrist so dat ur rite hand touches ur arm. use ur left thumb to press ur rite thumb towards ur arm. mine almost touches. can urs??? u can do on e left arm too... apparently most pple's thumbs r still far from their arm... Dr Loh said dat they shd call back those who r hafin similar ailments to me n do a case study on all of us... cos we haf loose joints, thus my neck joint is loose, thus e discs will b displaced easily wif e slightest trauma n press on e spinal cord...

he rattled on wif explanations y this is a major concern... cos e affected part is my neck n e disc is pressin on my spinal cord, which is v serious... i couldnt reali understand n asked if its like a slipped disc... 'aiyah aso can sae slipped disc but not reali la' then he explained more n more but i was lost... then he excitedly said he wanted to see my MRIs so he can further diagnose... but too bad i dun haf my MRIs... e next time i bring it to him, will further update u all on more of wat i m sufferin from... =)

if u r still arnd, thanks fer ur concern fer me... so much so to read all e wae to e end... thanks fer ur prayers/support/concern... reali appreciate this... will continue to perservere thro this, God bein my Healer!!! ^_^

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Office Politics

Today Papers has an article on how bloggers shd go to sch to learn wat r e rules governin bloggin so dat we would not write stuff dat r offensive in anywae to anyone... actually i tot its ez to not write offensive things if we clearly rem dat everythin dat we blog can b read by anyone... even e pple we r bad-mouthin abt... dat would serve as a check to our talkative hands...

of cos u would sae, 'ya wat, dun tok behind pple's back! if u r unhapi wif em, shd let em noe instead of tellin everyone ur negative feelins towards e pple n not confrontin e person face to face...' true to a certain extent, but written words does not allow discussion after e pple involved read abt wat we r resentful abt... so if we r unhapi, either confide in a few pple to seek how we can make things beta n not juz complain abt e pple or circumstance... if things get out of hand then go n discuss wif e pple involved how things can b beta...

my gosh y m i rattlin on n on abt all this??? wanted to tok abt office politics. actually its cos e underlyin thing is i cant tok much abt in wat wae m i unsettle abt office politics cos any description in any wae would lead to e pple noein wats goin on... someone said bloggin is juz like writin a diary. i beg to differ. its abt keepin ur frens updated abt ur lives n sharin wif em things dat reali matter to u, but wif a logical mind dat some things juz cannot b mentioned...

so, office politics. in my previous company, it was not obvious to me cos we were travellin from client to client n seldom sittin in e same office fer long. in companies where e employees r stuck together 24/7, politics will rise n resentment will grow. cos humans r fallen creatures. slander, envy, resentment etc thrives when we allow it to. familiarity breeds contempt. dats so true. cos there r things we wun like abt others. maybe someone is so likeable so others will get envious n resent e person. maybe someone is a high performer n has management attention, so others get jealous n start to speak ill of e person. this is so common in most office environments...

Psalm 91:4-6
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

God spoke to me through these verses. I do not need b afraid cos He is wif me... ^_^

Monday, August 21, 2006

what is love?

my fren who broke up wif her bf one or two months back still has their foto as her hp wallpaper
my fren who was terribly hurt by her bf is still willing to take him back
my fren's ex had many suitors who r my fren's gd frens
my fren called off his weddin plans after they got their house n prepared alot fer e wedding
my fren loves a guy n they haf been in love fer many years but r 2 star-crossed lovers, never able to stay together n b in a long-lastin rship

so many more heart-wrenchin rships all due to one word - love

what is love? y can it cause pple to b so miserable all their lives? y can someone profess to love another but yet at e same time, sae they r on e look-out for other more suitable partners? y can someone love another to e ends of e earth one dae then a few months after breakin up, can move on? y can someone love another who is so unlovable n can never stop lovin e person, even if it is never meant to b? is there such thing as eternal love fer humans?

frankly speakin, i think love is a matter of choice. u choose to love someone. u choose to walk away in e face of temptation n not betray ur partner. u choose to stick by ur partner no matter wat happens. cos ultimately its a promise made to each other dat u need to keep. however, when things dun wk out, like when one party gives up n walks away without turnin back, or when one party leaves e world, or when it is simply wrong to continue to stay together, u juz need to choose to let go. choose to forget. choose to move on wif life...

cruel as it seems, its actually a life-saver in all aspects... nobody can own anyone. nobody can promise eternity to anyone. nobody can depend completely on anyone. onli God can love unconditionally for eternity, disregardin every bad thing we haf done - past, present n future...

on a lighter note, love on!!!!!! for dats wat keeps us goin!!!! ^_^

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Relationships - Flower in the Rain

Flower in the Rain
You are the One; there's no one else
Who lifts me up
And gives me water from the well
But there's a hole
That seems to drain it all away
And once again I'm left in fear and doubt
When all my strength is crying out

So here I am again
Willing to be opened up and broken like a flower in the rain
Tell me what have I to do
To die and then be raised
To reach beyond the pain
Like a flower in the rain

The evil wind, it blows a storm
To rock my world
Just when I think I'm safe and warm
I'm led astray far too easily
It's always hard for me to say I'm wrong
Until I know I can't go on

Lord, You have searched me
And know when I sleep and when I rise
You're familiar with all my ways
Even the darkness will shine
Like the day
When you look into my heart

"Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship with God"
Doesn't this statement sound oh-so-familiar, whether believer or not? It sounds almost cliche that most people don't bother to think too much into it. To me, this is not just a statement, but a revelation of the true nature of God and the real purpose of man. The truth is - God loves you.

"Lord, You have searched me
And know when I sleep and when I rise
You're familiar with all my ways"

Doesn't this mean something to you? It tells me that God is not just some faraway divine being, unconcerned about my present situation. He is interested in me. He knows me inside-out, He loves me and wants to have an intimate relationship with me.

The happiest people in life are not those who earn a million bucks every month, or work on the highest floor in Wall Street. The happiest people in life are those who have love in their lifes, those who have meaningful relationships. Hence, it makes perfect sense to me that the God who made me in His image is primarily concerned with having a relationship with me - Only a God who values relationships can create Man who trives in them.

No other religion or God in this world tells me this, only Him.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!! ^_^

Philippians 4:4-9
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

don't u juz love e passage above??? so beautiful... God has promised us peace n peace is wat we will get when we need it... aso, wateva is excellent, lets focus on em n wk towards it such dat we can give all glory to God!!!

had a presentation yesterdae. target audience to e sales director n sales managers n regional managers... i was abit concerned as e area i need to wk on in this company is my communication skills. yes to those who haf known me fer these many years, please dun b shocked... for those who dun reali noe me, my forte in my sch daes was communication, givin presentations n stuff... in deloitte, no chance to do presentation, except fer once - at my interview, which was wat landed me e job n in my group... but in this company, im like so new n noe e least in terms of e business side... dats y in meetings, i tend to let my boss take e lead n fend off all e questions...

anywaez my thanksgivin is, e presentation went great!!!!!! all parties responded rite, got e management support required n e senior mgmt said i did well!!!!! ^_^ all glory b to God... we juz need to cast all our cares n burdens on Him n let go n let God n trust dat He has e BEST plans fer us... if He was e one who placed us in our current positions, b it sch or wk or wherever else, He will most definitely c us thro cos He has a great big plan up there which we will onli noe when we c Him face to face in Heaven!!!

my frens, b blessed!!!!!! =)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

blog blog blog blog blog

dan n i r mad now... we r like explorin tens n thousands of things to add on our blogs n how to add em n how to make em nicer n stuff... kekeke... notice vin n i haf a pet tiger now??? all thanks to dan who has a pet dog on her blog!!! n it looks so much like her dog - boo!!! (suddenly i sound bimbotic)... if u scroll down e sidebar, u notice dat i haf a counter too!!!!! its gona b like a mum watchin her child grow up... e numbers r gona increase n increase n increase n it b so fun to watch!!!!! all thanks to dan who showed me this great site to add a counter!!!

future plan is to add music to this blog so dat u viewers not onli haf visual n mental pleasure but aso audio pleasure!!!!! ^_^ ok pleasure sounds like a weird word to use but oh well wateva =P this will b done by dan on her blog first then she teach me... she v smart sia... so techie... she saes we r geeks now... checkin out on all these codes n stuff... ooo first time im called a geek... kewl... =P

this week is gd... but tiring... thurs n sat went to World Cyber Games to help out n now im like exhausted sia... keep starin at pple play counterstrike n quake4 n standin arnd, directin customers to pple, answerin some questions, givin out some flyers... n stoning most of e time... it can b REAL TIRING man... *yawn* anywae im glad dat i had this chance to b a sales personnel cos it is makin me step out of my comfort zone to learn all those dreaded cheem stuff abt e techie world... COMEX is next n i will b victorious!!!!!!!! everybody!!!!! ask me abt computers n techie stuff cos im on my wae to becomin a geek!!!!!!!!! ^_^

Monday, August 07, 2006

God is good... so good...

im so hapi... sooo hapi...

been thinkin abt my value n worth recently n if im a terrible person cos i cant love someone completely... someone whom i need to love... this issue in my life has been bugging me for quite some time n makin me think im reali a terrible person n makin me think e worst of myself...

but God can c how i feel n encouraged me todae... to e 2 brothers who mean so much to me, thanks for affirming me n thanks for bein so willing to juz share how u truly feel abt our frenship... ur frenship means alot to me too... thanks for appreciatin me cos it came at a great time... a time perfectly planned by God...

e below speaks clearly n loudly to me... e Bible is reali a great place to learn great principles n character-building truths to make us more Christlike!!! hope e below passage speaks to u... =)

Proverbs 19:11
A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

(extract from Prime Time with God)
Whenever we work close to another person, whether in an office or home, small offenses can become the source of great conflict. Resentment and irritability soon follow. God brings these "offenses" into our lives to develop character qualities in us. He uses individuals in our lives to accomplish his goal of making us more Christ-like. So the next time you complain or resist a habit or action from someone close to you, ask God if it has been placed there to develop some quality in you.

Pride is the root source of the need to change another person. A man's wisdom gives him patience-to let go of little offenses. This is where spiritual maturity is seen in the day-to-day activity of life. Is there someone close to you who has some habit you really want to change? Give up that desire to the Lord. Who knows, He may even change it after you let go of the need to change it.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


wow!!! everyone!!! MUST CATCH MUST CATCH MUST CATCH!!!

click is reali a great show man... even worth a weekend price!!! lemme tell u wat vin n i love abt it... of cos wun reveal ALL la... e most impt stuff i wun tell u n u will thank me fer not tellin u cos dats wat made e show sooo fantastic...

1) its hilarious!!! not entirely slap-stick, brainless, silly jokes but its pretty funny!!!
2) adam sandler reali acted super duperly well... n guess wat, he's one of e producers!!! wow these hollywood stars r reali not onli actors but haf those kinda artistic flair aso sia...
3) its touching n i will stop here for this point =P
4) i left e cinema with dat kinda feelin dat i haf taken away an impt lesson in life... treasure our family... bet u wun understand if u haven watched it... hahaha...
5) k la i cant think of anymore dat i can sae dat will not give away e crux of e show... so juz go n watch it!!! ^_^

went fer my checkup todae at sgh n i was devastated. y? cos e doc said dat its nothin to do wif early disc degeneration!!! n all 3 docs at sgh dat i saw over e past 6 years told me its early disc degeneration!!! also, e 2 mir scans i did (for my back n neck), were conclusive then dat there was early disc degeneration BUT THE DOC TODAE SAID DAT E SCANS SHOWED NOTHIN!!!!!!!!!! can someone explain to me how come 3 docs can firmly believe in somethin n made me think dat my prob is due to somethin n some other doc can juz come along n sae i haf no such prob??!

so he told me dat e orthopedic department has done all they can n now onli e nerve department can help. so i m goin fer nerve testin on 25th aug n e doc saes if there is no conclusion again then i need to seek e advice of a neurologist... they haf done all they can n there is nothin more that they can do. can he b more cruel than dat?! at least b nicer... like when i asked him wat kinda results e nerve testin might show, he said anythin. then i was like....... so i asked him 'errr i was told dat nerve prob is due to e bone pressin on it. if its not e bone prob now, then how else can e nerve b affected?' n he said 'many ways'... my gosh!!!!! wat kinda doc is dat?!

anywae i m utterly sian la but vin sae its great dat i got no prob... hahaha so positive hor he? ya la of cos im hapi if reali i got no prob but then wats all this pain fer e past 6 years abt? then all e search fer a cure to a wrong diagnosis... wats all this abt? *sigh* anywae wait till sept when i go back sgh fer e results of e nerve testin then will noe loh... meanwhile juz keep prayin fer divine healin ba...

doctors... *shakes head*