~this post is rated M18~

im serious!!! if u r under 18, u might think todae's post is ultra disgusting or super embarassing or too much that u cannot take...

cos im gona tok abt child-birth

muz whisper hor? cos maybe some pple will pai sei ma... u will feel pai sei if 1) u r male or 2) u r not yet 'lao auntie' enuff to sae e word 'menstruation' in front of men... kekeke... reminds me of how pat/su/me toked abt when we shd plan our pool session fer our basic dive course... thinkin abt it, aso quite funny how we juz openly toked abt how we might kena on e dae we choose to take our lesson... but wat was more funny was e fact dat jem was discussin wif us loh... he sae water pressure will result in e blood not flowin out ma... (eh but how he noe ah?! i onli knew abt this a few years ago when someone told me leh... hmmm) then we went into more debates abt women n their period hahaha...

okok so back to e child-birth topic... I M SUPER SHOCKED LOR!!!!! actually while cindy was describin everythin to us after lunch, i was too stunned to think abt anythin else... but rita was laffin so hard at my reactions (apparently she noes everythin cos she's super close to her sis n sis-in-law n they haf so many children liao) n she said dat she bet i was gona blog it...

so smart of her hor??? but i sori to u my loyal fans... i forgot abt u all in my great excitement to discover more abt wat will happen to me in e near future (of cos im not pregnant now la hahaha... 5 years is aso called near future rite???) u all need to thank rita fer this post which is so full of information abt wat happens to all mothers... e deep, dark, dirty secrets dat haf been well kept by e women of e world...

MEN, APPRECIATE US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but first, we need to appreciate our mums sia... lemme fill u into e details... get ur cushions readi so u can cover ur eyes when it gets too scary...

1) ladies, child-birth is e worst stomach cramp dat u can ever imagine... n its not onli STOMACH cramp... its EVERYWHERE aso pain!!!!!!

2) u need to wait till e 'hole' (im sori i dun rem wat is e term she use, n sad to sae, i duno wat it is called aso hahaha...) expand till 10cm long so dat baby's head can come out then u will b readi to give birth... meanwhile e midwife will check on u occasionally by STUFFING HER FIST INTO E HOLE TO C IF IT IS 10CM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *screams* so shocking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n of cos most of u will noe dat it will b cut somemore durin delivery so dat e whole baby can come out...

3) there is not onli 1 doctor n 1 nurse in e room but tons of midwives SHAVING U UP, WASHIN U UP n doin alot of other things (i didnt ask too detailed cos i alreadi too stunned by e fist-stuffing scene liao)...

4) some pple might push too hard n all e human waste will come out aso... so thanks to ADVANCED MEDICINE (so advanced aso cant diagnose how to cure me... chey!!! =P) a pill will b given to e mumis so dat b4 they go into e delivery room, they alreadi poot out all there is, so dat baby doesnt come out into e 'heaven' of sai...

5) u noe y a woman needs to haf 1 month confinement??? COS SHE WILL BLEED FER A MONTH!!!!!!! my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!! menstruating fer a week alreadi complain liao... let alone one whole month!!!!!!!!!!! can u imagine??????????? (yes im not askin e guys to imagine... heh heh) then u will ask, how come those old wives tale sae durin confinement period cant bathe at all??????? how can dun bathe????????????

i tot dat all e blood will come out together wif e baby so maybe a month after delivery then start menstruating again... dats y innocently asked cindy e question 'when then start menstruating again ah?' then she looked straight into my eyes, put her hand on my arm n said 'straightaway for one month'... can u imagine how my world crashed?????? waaaa... but wat she said is true la... 9 months never menstruate leh... confirm alot sia...

then rita aso brought up an interestin point... HOW DO THEY DO WATER DELIVERY???????? as some of u might noe, there is a method of delivery - mumi in bathtub full of water... after e delivery, e whole tub muz b filled wif.... arrggghhhhh!!!!!!! child-bearing is NO JOKE MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*fainted*

ok la i think enuff fer todae... e above is juz part 1... next time when there is another training session given by cindy, will blog abt it again HAHAHAHAHA... =P

juz checkin, u puke finish liao?? ^_^ kekekeke... general knowledge gd fer u ma... hahahaha...

ooo dun b put off from hafin children hor after this... kekeke... children r God's greatest gift to a man n wife!!!!!! after noein all this, arent u juz astounded by how a baby comes into e world? arent u juz so amazed by God's creation?? most definitely we r created by God n not some big bang theory loh... so amazing lehhhh... n sobering... babies do not come from trees...

ps: ARE U MY 2000TH READER???? IF U R, SHOUT IT OUT IN E TAGBOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^