The Wait

Isaiah 30: 15-
15 This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.
16 You said, 'No, we will flee on horses.' Therefore you will flee! You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses.' Therefore your pursuers will be swift!
17 A thousand will flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five you will all flee away, till you are left like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, like a banner on a hill."
18 Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
19 O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. 20 Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. 21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

wow!!! i haf been troubled for the past months... especially e last month... i was depressed n had a heavy heart but could not resolve this issue... u noe everything dat happens to us dat brings us down, is mainly cos of our heart attitude. if we r at peace wif everythin, nothin can faze us... of cos there might b some stuff which would b super hard to b ok wif...

fer me, i m facin a major culture shock. e principles in my life need to b relaxed or changed. if i dun change my principles then i need to change my black n white world into a grey world. else i wun b able to live e rest of my life at peace. maybe most pple live in a grey world and onli i live in a world where everyone has their ownership to somethin n responsibilities n dat wun change. but maybe ur world is such that nobody has ownership in anythin n ur money is someone else's money n some pple r forever e smallest n will never rise up... blah blah blah...

submit to authority, u sae. yes, but how do i respect someone who has destroyed dat trust? foolish human talk, u sae... yes... i noe... i do need to learn to love n submit regardless of e character of e person... im sori im still struggling... but im tryin v hard ok?

God spoke to me in e passage above. i do need to keep meditating on that so as to renew my mind... He will keep my heart in perfect peace if i juz trust in Him... but i want results fast. its hard fer me to wait, but i do need to... for in repentance n rest is my salvation n in quietness n trust is my strength but truly i would haf nothin of it... i keep struggling when all God wants is to show me e way...

i need to stop running away from this... i haf been running n tryin to erase all e hurting n saddening memories... but it onli caused e prob to magnify n make me more confused n depressed... so yesterdae i decided to stop running away n face it. i started to pen down every instance dat impacted me n caused e situation to culminate into this huge crisis. hopefully by discoverin e process, it would help me to understand this situation beta n understand myself beta. its gona b a major wk n i noe it will b over soon... as long as i wait upon God n seek after Him...

no longer will i feel like an uprooted tree being forced into another patch of ground but i will become a tree drawing from e rivers n providing shelter to others... i will wait... wait for me...

btw, for those who haf been askin me abt my back, my SGH appointment next fri (29/9) has been pushed to 5/12 cos e heartless doc is on leave dat dae. pushed by 2 months... after my 1 month wait... how smart... n there is no earlier slot for me... so there, my favorite word for the next few months - WAIT