hmmm...

do u experience times in ur life when u juz haf nothin to sae, nothin to share, nothin to feel? in life we will alwayz haf those moments of highs n lows n constants...

guess its a conscious decision where we wan to b at in our lives... im goin through a period which can push me down into e depths but cos of external circumstances, like my gd sister's wedding, n a long weekend, n little joys along e wae, dat helped me to force my head to remain above e water n not sink deep into e ocean...

sometimes there r things dat juz cant seem to b resolved huh? but maybe its cos i tend to wan things to b resolved fast... due to my family background n job nature... but things r not that simple... we need to b patient n wait upon e Lord... for everythin will b resolved in God's timing...

sometimes im juz so tired... tired of tryin to make everyone happy... tired of holdin all my frustrations inside myself... tired of hafin to b e sandbag fer pple, where they juz treat me bad cos it entertains em, or makes em feel gd abt themselves... actually im reali down. so down but nobody noes n will b able to c dat cos i will not show... even if i do tok abt it, who will understand? no one but God...

but who said life is a bed of roses? who said dat things would happen e wae they r meant to happen? who said that pple r nice n understanding? who said that pple noe their places in society n families? who said that rships will last n frenships r forever? who said that when u put in effort n try ur best, pple will recognise it?

nobody.

2nd time in half a year im shot down fer organising somethin. if somethin else much more impt comes along e wae n i cant make it, but e core group can make it, y cant they juz go ahead wif e gathering? y muz harsh words b thrown at me n i b 'blacklisted'? u mean by informing 2 weeks in advance is not sufficient?

but i will juz remain silent. guess they will never understand how much they hurt me cos they mattered so much to me... e power of words n emotions...