Prayer Request

im gettin worried n i noe i shdnt cos God will heal me... but e human part of me thinks wat happens if i m paralysed... *sigh*

for all who noe me noe dat i haf a spine prob - early disc degeneration, since 8 years back. started as lower back pain such that i cant lie down straight flat on my back. doc diagnosed e cause due to an impact on my back, then he got confused n tot is a slipped disc. anywae, unconclusive so sent me fer physio n discharged me.

2 years later, it got worse n i couldnt walk one dae. squatted at my hall corridor for half hour n couldnt move. doc said go for mri n concluded its early disc degeneration due to an extra bone connectin my right hip to my spine. so sent me fer physio which as usual didnt work.

2 years back, e pain increased to include my neck n shoulder instead of onli affectin my back n leg. so i went to e doc again n did another mri. doc said it has affect my neck too n maybe now my whole spine is affected. by sayin affected means e discs between my spinal bones haf lost e elasticity due to e lack of water, thus any impact on my spinal cord by merely walkin or any stress on e spine would cause more pain to me than others. in other words, im like a old lady cos e spinal bone would rub against each other more since e discs between e spinal bone is not as thick n cant absorb e impact dat well anymore. guess after all this lengthy explanation, u all noe in a nutshell wats early disc degeneration la huh... actually im not exactly v sure myself aso cos e docs give me quite different explanations so i give up...

i've tried western docs, tie da, acupuncture, n now foot reflexology. all useless. e recent foot reflexology sinseh said dat its caused by my worryin attitude. if i dun wori so much abt life, it will b no more... if onli things r dat simple... ha ha ha... oh well... anywae, all these make me super disillusioned wif docs (chinese n english) n even myself. this is bad. e more my condition worsens, e less faith i haf in myself n sad to sae, God. but this shd not b e wae... i noe God will heal me n as things seem more bleak, e more i shd hold on to my source n e greatest Healer of all time...

yesterdae i had a relapse. felt like stroke. took sick leave to stay home. todae i had a major relapse. vin likes to ask me to rate my pain so dat he will noe. usually e max is 6 like yesterdae. todae was almost a 9... i felt paralysed from neck down... my whole body felt weak at first, then felt super heavy n i couldnt reali move. had to will myself to walk, to take e next step, n e next, n juz continue to walk back home. vin had to help me massage my back n neck to relief some of e pain. n he juz kept prayin n prayin n prayin fer me... when i was so lost n depressed... juz heard him claimin verse after verse after verse in my stupor... dat strong voice filled wif so much faith dat sounded so far away... but vin did not let me continue like this... he pulled me back from my lost state n asked me if i had e faith n said dat i need to haf faith... we both muz haf faith...

Faith...

finally i agreed. if in God i do not trust, who else can i count on in this time? so i nodded n said yes, i believe dat God can heal me. n had dat small bit of faith in me... i fell asleep. when i woke up, i was so much beta!!! e scale dropped to 3 n now i can sit here n proclaim dat God is good! thank God fer vin too... he is alwayz this strong pillar of support for me... alwayz pointin me back to God whenever i need someone to shake me n wake me up... haha... thanks dear =)

God is good, all the time.
n all the time, God is good!!! ^_^

so good...